Telephonic moronic.
18/11/11 12:02
The above is not a telephone.
You know who you are :
Your the gut who calls people three cubicles away from you and carries on a conversation via speakerphone.
Is this something they teach in some management class somewhere? I demand you explain the "logic".
My coworkers carry on this amazingly moronic behavior and I just can't comprehend it.
Does it make you feel more important or impressive to her your voice amplified through a phone speaker?
Do you just like to hear yourselves talk? (Actually, I already know the answer to that.)
”Hey, look at me! Although I can see this dude sitting right in front of me, I'm calling him on the phone anyway!
In fact, I'm so freaking cool and busy, I'm even putting him on speaker so I can keep my hands free and be more productive!"
What...the....hell?
Are you too lazy to stand up and actually speak face to face? Too important to walk the fifteen feet to where he's sitting?
Both you and I can clearly hear the other guy's voice without you having to use the phone.
What's the point?
To make matters even worse, you're creating this crazy echo effect.
I can hear both you and the guy on the other end normally, but I can also hear the amplified response a few milliseconds later via your freaking speaker-phone. Is this annoying enough?
Oh, hell no! You have to go and take it the next level - the dude on the other side puts YOU on speaker as well!
This is just freaking AWESOME as now it sounds like four people are echoing back and forth, a few seconds out of sync.
Genius.
But wait, there's more! You then go and conference in a third party - say, for example, the guy in the cube adjacent to you - and he uses his speakerphone as well.
This then causes some type of space/time inversion collapse thingie that ends up sounding like an effect from a 1950's Sci-Fi movie.
Please. I beg of you. Just stop it. You're being total douche bags.
My manager, who sits about 20 feet away from me, is the absolute king of this.
Our cubicle walls are only about 4 feet tall. I can see him I without even standing up.
Yet, he will look directly at me - and dial me on the phone...
To make matters worse, he actually seems annoyed when I tell him "This is f-ing stupid", hang up, and walk over to where he is so we can speak normally. Amazing...
Try one of the following and stop acting like complete jerks :
- Get off your ass and walk over to the guy. He's RIGHT THERE for the love of all that is holy.
- Pick up the handset. If you really need to speak to this guy RIGHT NOW, be decent enough to give him your full attention.
- Obviously , If your hands are literally tied, you have something else pressing going on (This, or you're really, really, lazy.)
Be considerate.
I drives the rest of us batty listening to your conversation echoing, echoing, echoing...
For the last time, just cut it out.
RIP Steve Jobs
05/10/11 20:12
Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.
You made a difference.
What more could anyone want?
Half-assed epiphany
03/10/11 19:57
half-assed
PRONUNCIATION : hfst, häfäst
ADJECTIVE : Vulgar Slang 1. Not well planned or executed. 2. Incompetent.
So…
We're discussing how a few of the older, stand alone, applications need work.
It's mentioned that things were implemented by our predecessors "half-assed" and they'll probably just have someone half-ass them again, instead of doing it right, to save some money.
Now, let’s get metaphysical.
If you half-ass something twice, do the two half-assed jobs add up to a complete, no longer half-assed solution?
Or is it now a completely and totally assed-up?
Just wanted to throw that out there...
PRONUNCIATION : hfst, häfäst
ADJECTIVE : Vulgar Slang 1. Not well planned or executed. 2. Incompetent.
So…
We're discussing how a few of the older, stand alone, applications need work.
It's mentioned that things were implemented by our predecessors "half-assed" and they'll probably just have someone half-ass them again, instead of doing it right, to save some money.
Now, let’s get metaphysical.
If you half-ass something twice, do the two half-assed jobs add up to a complete, no longer half-assed solution?
Or is it now a completely and totally assed-up?
Just wanted to throw that out there...
Spy vs. Why
03/10/11 19:27
As I work in IT, I can pretty much access any piece of information I want, if I were so inclined.
Its the nature of the job. You see things because you have to.
This does not mean I know every super-secret thing going on.
Of course, many people believe otherwise.
As I mentioned earlier, my company is in the process of changing ownership, and everyone (well, the REAL workers, not the execs who get a nice payout even if they sucked at their jobs) is understandably paranoid.
So I get asked, a LOT, if I know “what’s really going on”.
Here’s the deal : Yes, the technology DOES exist to monitor every freaking thing you do on your computer at work.
If I wanted to, I could see everywhere your surf, every file you open, everything you type.
Hell, I can virtually look over your shoulder from the comfort of my standard issue, ass numbing, Staples bargain basement office chair.
But I don’t. Believe it or not, most of us in IT have way too much going on during a normal day to care about, or waste time worrying about, every little thing everyone does.
In many places, it’s strictly against policy to look into someone's emails, etc. without their consent or approval from on high.
So I’m not watching them.. or you.
The monitoring systems we have in place are more to protect the company from getting our asses sued off because you sent someone’s personal data, or confidential company information, out insecurely.
We block certain sites in order to protect us from a virus wreaking havoc on our systems because you got bored, or actually believed that Prince Nazeem in Nigeria really does need your help in getting his $100,100,000 out of the country.
We do these things out of necessity, not from any desire to play big brother.
In reality, most of us would get axed immediately if we were caught digging through someone’s email without approval and justification.
And if we are specifically monitoring your activity, that means you did something messed up enough to make us put forth the extra effort. Don’t blame us. Someone TOLD us to.
Apparently you got caught or aroused suspicion by — oh, I dunno — spending five of the 8 hours in your workday hanging out on Pornhub or something...
Also, most of us just feel that’s just plain not cool. (Reference the Unwritten IT Code of Ethics.)
Now I can’t speak for everyone — there very well may be some perv out there abusing his IT access privileges, digging through your browser history or emails, because he’s got the hots for you.
Sleaze-bags exist in every profession - but we generally frown on the whole psycho / stalker thing as a community.
This trust works both ways - we don’t look over your shoulder needlessly, and we expect you to actually understand the policies.
Also keep in mind that even if you bring in your own machine, it’s usually against The Rules to jack it into the company’s network.
Even if it’s not, when you do, those policies for your work machine most likely apply to yours now as well, as you’re now on our network.
Just keep that in mind.
So in summary, yes, we can watch you or anyone else if necessary.
No, we don’t make an effort to spy on you, or anyone else.
Believe me, we see PLENTY in our line of work, usually coincidentally, that we’d most likely rather not. (See prior pr0n posts.)
We have no motivation or inclination to go digging for more.
This goes for everyone (depending on where you work) — your IT staff are generally not spending time and resources spying on people.
We may overhear a few more things than you, but its coincidental.
HTML email - Just plain evil.
30/09/11 10:39
They are out there. You have been victimized by them. They must be stopped.
HTML mail users.
I'll be up front about this - I my opinion, HTML mail is just plain annoying and evil.
I do see where it can be helpful in some instances, but not for internal business correspondence.
Now, I’m not talking the “hidden tracking pixel” trick, or the potential to slip in an external link to other bad things out there on the big, nasty, Internet (but this in certainly evil indeed).
No, this is about a different kind of evil.
I’m talking about the evil that comes from allowing people to get creative. People who should not be creative. Ever.
Those people who, for some reason, are compelled to use email "stationary".
Listen, nobody is impressed by the fact that your email background looks like spiral notebook paper.
Honestly, I've never thought "Wow! It's like I'm reading right out of notebook! Cool!"
My kids use those in grade school. Do you really want your supposedly important memo to look like your kid's math homework?
And don't even get me started on the holiday themes.
I actually received an email from someone awhile back that had a line of animated dancing freakin' leprechauns across the bottom.
Yeah, it took that message really serious.
What concerns me most is that someone actually took the time to hunt down an animated GIF of a dancing leprechaun.
I think you owe the company that time back.
To prove my point, I have no recollection as to what the hell that message was about .All I can remember are the damned Leprechauns.
If we're having an office party, I'll get the hint if you title the message "Office Party this Friday".
The cute balloons and confetti background isn't really necessary. I can read.
Shame on Microsoft for even including those theme templates as a part of Outlook :
“Citrus Punch ?", "Paw Print?", "Fiesta?" What... the... hell?
I'm pretty sure your target market for Outlook / Exchange is the enterprise.
So why? Why? Why? Why?!
At least the old, annoying Office assistant paperclip character was a misguided (and failed) attempt to try to get people to use the integrated help features.
So please, people, just cut it the hell out.
We’re making fun of you as we hit the delete key.
Seriously.